DEAR UNKNOWN #1,

How are you?

It’s been a long time. Two? Three years since we’ve seen each other? Or was it just me running away from you?

You may or may not know this but you’re my life’s biggest mistake (and regret). If I had a time machine the first thing I would like to do is change everything we had. You’re my haunted of all the haunted life story, ever. I want nothing to do with you– or at least I should’ve known better and realized that the moment our paths crossed.

I didn’t even know what has gotten into me why that chapter of my life happened. It was just less than a month yet a lifetime of hoping us never happened. They would always tease me, or you, snickering like it’s the funniest joke they’ve heard of me and the greatest trophy you had. No, we never kissed, hugged, held hands, nor did the  physical intimate interaction there is—none; at least in that part I am surely proud of.

I tried to shrug it off, I tried to just laugh it out with others as well. But the thing is, they know it’s the past I surely don’t want to open again. I want to give you all the blame because you peppered me with disaster and unworthy love. I want to blame every person who told me that I should give it a try because if I say yes it will turn out great. No, I don’t hate you neither them; it’s me. I hated myself for it. I hated the decision I made. I hated why I chose to agree. I hated how gullible I was.

Applause for immaturity!

Applause for disappointment!

Applause for being so naive!

Applause for being so easy!

Five years later, I would say I learned a lot: in love, friends, family, life, the world, a little bit of everything but not much of everything. I still have my whole way ahead of me and I have more to experience, conquer, and learn.

Five years later, I realized that it wasn’t such a shameful regret afterall.

Why?

Because it was a part of me that made me who I am now. It made me realize how important self-worth is. It made me realize how important self-love is. It made me realize that I should never be easy. It made me realize not to rush things and to be patient that there is time for everything. It made me realize that love is not as easy as how you spell it. It made me realize not be impulsive. It made me realize that I should always think ten-to-the-power-of-ninety times about the pros and cons of a desired action before doing so. It made me realize that it wasn’t love nor puppy love rather a reckless mistake.

Thank you, for letting me realize all those.

And thank you, for stopping the disturbance(you have no choice I blocked you in Facebook).

Five years later, I am no longer running away from you but I’d prefer not to see you anymore. I am still in the point where I will suffer mortification if I see you again.

Five years later, I wish you all the best in life. I hear of you sometimes when they talk about you but I’d rather not hear it. I hope you stop talking about me as well. I hope you stop making erroneous stories and share it with other people.

Five years later, I wish everyone else will try to forget about it too. Not to mention it in gatherings or meet ups because to me, it’s a memory to be forgotten. It never made a big impact in my life and it never will. Although I know the possibility of people remembering it is inevitable. A history is a history. There will always be a past where you love to reminisce it again and again and there are a few where you choose not to look back on it…as much as possible.

Good bye,

Mia

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